Category Archives: clothes

ootd no. 3 – ode to jeggings

I think that one of my first radical “I’m fat and don’t give a shit if what I wear is ‘appropriate’ or ‘figure-flattering’ enough for you” acts was purchasing and then wearing the ever-loving hell out of my first pair of jeggings. I love these things! Until rather recently, i would not have been caught dead in form-fitting pants. I watched a lot of “what not to wear”and by god, I knew how to “dress for my figure,” whatever the hell that means. But when I threw the rules out the window, there was no looking back. jeggings, bodycon dresses, maxi dresses, all thrown in the mix.

These jeggings are on their way out, I’m afraid. I’ve caught wind about these things called teggings, but I haven’t done much research. Anyone have a pair? Thoughts?

sweater: Target
tank top: Gap
jeggings: Lane Bryant
shoes: Calvin Klein (endless.com)
fat necklace: Definatalie!

closeup of the ever-so-amazing Fat Necklace!

I tried to capture the joy I have every time I put this necklace on, but the shutter went off before I was ready, so you can’t see the whole necklace in all of it’s glory. but you get the point. and i liked the pic anyway. One things this ootd exercise is teaching me is how to relax about seeing my image in photos. I’m grateful for that.

I absolutely adore this tank top so i’m giving you a close-up of the shiny stripes. shiny stripes! what’s not to love?

So what about you all? What was the first thing you remember wearing that was a distinct “fuck you” to those who’ve told you there are very specific rules you must ascribe to when dressing yourself?

ootd no. 2 – when i no longer hated shopping

I’m sure some of you can relate. Shopping can suck. That is, if you can even find on-trend stores that carry your sizes (like looking for a GD unicorn). And I’m fairly certain it’s not just us fatties that have trouble shopping, so I don’t want to pretend that we own that little corner of the world. however, there are more of us in that corner than non-fats, i think. I’ve ranted before about how much I detest the fact that I am relegated to online shopping for a lot of my clothes.

I’ve never been a huge fan of shopping for clothes, for pretty typical reasons: nothing seems to fit, I hate how i look in everything, every time I go into (yet another) straight size store with my friends, I quarantine myself to the jewelry and/or handbag section. There are only so many times you can “ooo” and “aaah” at a necklace, amirite? anyway, shopping for my home? perusing bookstores? design stores? sign me UP. I think that’s because I actually like the process of shopping…when I get rewarded at the end with cute stuff to buy.

Before I became familiar with the fatosphere, and, more specifically, the fatshion bloggers out there, my clothing stores of “choice” were department stores like Macys or Nordstrom, the 8th circle of hell that is Old Navy, Target (for clothes that look ok but that I know will fall apart in two months), and Torrid. These will all certainly do in a pinch, and in fact, I’ve come to totally love the “woman’s section” of Macys (what does that mean, btw? non-women shop in the straight size section? whatever). They have great stuff and fantastic sales! In the last couple of years I’ve started to enjoy shopping for clothes again. Part of it is because I’ve focused my frustration, when I have it, outward…at the clothing manufacturers, at the department store for not carrying a wide enough range of sizes, you name it. I’m not angry or frustrated at myself because my body just won’t fit whatever it is I’m trying on anymore. This has been tremendously helpful. The other helpful thing? I just try more stuff on. I don’t assume things won’t fit by holding it up. And I don’t assume something will look hideous on me right off the bat.

Enter this ootd. I love this dress. love love love it. And I thought it was totally blech and meh when I saw it on the hanger. You name it, I didn’t like it about the dress (or “garment” as they say on Project Runway). The material was cheap looking, the pattern was too busy, a maxi dress on a fatty? lord help me. Then I tried it on and all of that went out the window. The dress is super flowy, which makes it feel absolutely divine around my legs in the summer when there is a breeze. The colors are bright and cheery and interesting. And what is this? I LOVE maxi dresses! As anyone in my life will tell you, I’m also partial to a good jean jacket. Delightful. The two together? Yes and please and thank you.

So, moral of the story! Try shit on! And be prepared to hate some of it. And don’t get pissed at yourself when things don’t fit – it’s not your fault.

I’d love to get some suggestions as to where you do your clothes shopping! I mentioned the physical stores I tend to head to, and online I’m in love with Asos Curve right now. What else?


dress: Inc. (Macys)
jean jacket: Old Navy
earrings: boutique in Richmond, VA

so pretty, right? like a painting.

ootd no. 1 – dipping a toe in

So I’ve done one ootd before (well, it was a half) and I’ve decided it’s time to start integrating more pics of myself into this here space. For several reasons, really. Namely, I have *so* much fun perusing all of the fatshion blogs out there – every time I see someone who has a body like mine? it’s like…I’m not sure I can even explain it. It makes me smile inside. I breathe freer. I want more. Yes, yes, I know. Seems extreme, doesn’t it? But, to go from hardly ever seeing your likeness portrayed in the media, in magazines, online, etc, to being able to spend hours looking at fun and pretty and funky and out-there and punk and girly and creative fashion rocked by fat girls? yes fucking please and thank you. I’m not saying I even come close to the level of raditude out there (see: ivory jinelleDefinatalie, most of tumblr, bearly on earth, gabifresh, and on and on), but anything i can do to add to the beautiful fat and fashionable masses out there, I’m all over that shit. I should also add, that blogs of fashionable “death fats” (of which I am one) don’t match the non-death fat blogs in numbers, so that’s another reason I’m throwing my hat into the ring. Another reason? It’s powerful to be visible.

so, without further ado, i bring you ootd no. 1:


dress: Target
sweater: Anthropologie (i know! never thought they would have stuff that fit me. always try it on!)
shoes: Seychelles (Nordstrom, I think?)
necklace: gifted by my fabulous co-workers

closer view of the whole situation

surprisingly comfortable! ish.

an even closer shot of the necklace b/c i heart it so much

what if you don’t love your body?

Sometimes I get really down on myself for not loving my body exactly as it is now. It feels like I’m being a traitor to the FA movement, that I’m not truly an FA activist. i think part of it stems from the fact that most of the FA blogs I read are written by women who have been doing this work for a lot longer than I have – they are further along the FA spectrum and seem to be more comfortable in their skin. I realize this is unfair both to me and to them. it’s unfair to me because this entire thing is simply a process, and to demand of myself that I be ALL POSITIVE ALL THE TIME I LOVE MYSELF HOORAY is just entirely unrealistic. there are ups and downs and what I’m trying to do is combat 30 years of messaging (dare I say brainwashing?) about how my body is not the ideal, how I should be striving to make my body “better” to find a man, how I must be totally unhealthy simply by virtue of how much I weigh, and on and on. And it’s unfair to the other FA bloggers out there because in assuming that they have “made it” (“it” being FA nirvana in which they sit and bask in their bodily awesomeness every single day with nary a negative thought) negates their journey and process. Of COURSE it’s hard for everyone, and of COURSE there are days where even the most experienced FA activist just feels like crap about herself.

I know that there are up days and down days. I know this. i just needed to acknowledge that it’s been hard for me lately. I’m going on a little vacay to the beach next week and I’ve had some serious anxiety about it. about the bathing suit aspect, mostly. I’m thinking to myself “why the fuck am I doing this work if i’m still going to be nervous and anxious about being in a bathing suit? have i learned NOTHING?” My goal is to take inspiration from other folks out there who experience the self-hate and then choose to say “fuck it, I’m gonna enjoy myself anyway.” What I’m going to focus on is having fun with some of my besties that I haven’t seen in a long time. I moved away from so many of my loved ones last April and I SO do not want to be focusing on how i look in a bathing suit when i’m with them. I want to be focusing on great conversations, on beer and tamales on the beach, on the sun, and on reading new books. The anxiety comes from knowing that doing this will not be easy at all.