Category Archives: basic

waking up skinny

possible trigger re weight loss talk

Remember when you were younger and would go to bed and think, “what if I woke up skinny? Like, what if magic actually exists and I wake up tomorrow morning looking exactly how I wanted to look??” Anyone? No? Was that just me? I remember thinking just how amazing that would be. Well, that question has started to pop back into my head lately and my answer increasingly is, “holy shit that would be amazing.”

As in, sometimes I wish I could magically wake up tomorrow and look like a different person. It just seems like things would be easier.

I’ll just let that sink in for a bit.

What I wouldn’t give to not think that. I feel such shame for thinking that. I HATE that I think that. I don’t even like typing it here. It makes me feel ashamed, feel like a failure, feel like I’ll never get to where I want to be regarding my body image. And shouldn’t I be much further along in this journey, as I started writing publicly about it over two years ago? I know, I know. I answered my own question…this is a journey and some days are better than others.

I have no deep thoughts here, only a renewed promise to post here more often, and that means posting some dark shit sometimes. Folks who know me would likely agree with me when I say that I don’t like it to appear as though I don’t have my life together. I’m much better at being a public mess than I used to be (yay public messes!), but my default is certainly to clam up and be all “lalala, no no, everything is delightful! puppies and rainbows!”

So yes, I’m owning it. Owning the fact that I want to live in a magical world where you could just shut your eyes, open them, and see a thinner person staring back at you. Intellectually I get where this is coming from. I do. I think that if I was skinnier, I would have loads of dates, I would have awesomer clothes, I would I would I would. And clearly there is no use wishing for THAT world, when I live in, you know, the ACTUAL world. But if there’s one thing I learned through this process of fat acceptance (I’m actually starting to not use that phrase as much anymore, but that’s for another post), it’s that trying to suppress the thoughts you wish you weren’t having doesn’t do any good. In fact, it often does more harm than good, so go on, let that shit out! *aaand scene

Update: fabulous reminder from commenter G about the amazing “Fantasy of Being Thin” by Kate Harding. It was one of the first FA blog posts I read, back in 2007. I’m gonna go read it again right now.

the f word

warning: this post will read like fat acceptance 101 (or feminism 101, or social justice 101). if you’re used to more nuanced discussion around this type of issue, you’ll be let down. just sayin’.

F-A-T. good lord, just saying it engenders some serious discomfort from most people, doesn’t it? “you’re not fat!” “I wish you wouldn’t say that about yourself.” “what an ugly word.”

It’s absolutely no wonder we cringe when someone says “fat.” the charge around the word is just incredible. what if we de-charged it? what if we just used “fat” as another way to describe ourselves? “Hi, I’m Sabrina. I’m super witty, intelligent, play racquetball, love me some farmers markets, am fat, and have gorgeous curly hair and, quite frankly, near perfect toes.” it’s actually not that hard. the hard part comes when the person you’re talking to cringes when the f word pops up, and you then become “ambassador for fatties” and explain that, actually, YOU don’t see the word “fat” as disempowering, or mean, or ugly. it’s a descriptive word. it’s also a noun. as in, i have fat on my body. who doesn’t? (except for, because i’m eyeball deep in Olympics right now, cross country skiers. that shit is insane).