things that make me tired

I’m tired of spilling my heart out and explaining FA to friends to then have them say, “Did you hear about the HCG diet? My sister is on it and she’s lost tons of weight!” *blink blink. Or “i don’t understand why seriously obese people don’t just start eating right instead of complaining all the time.”

I’m tired of booths and seats in restaurants that make it extremely uncomfortable to sit and enjoy dinner. I’m tired of having to scan the room before I sit down to figure out where I CAN actually sit.

I’m tired of having only two actual, physical stores to shop in (neither of which are in my city) and instead am relegated to online shopping, wherein sizes are never consistent and I spend tons of money and time getting clothes shipped to me, then shipping them back because they don’t fit or don’t look like they did on the website, then getting NEW sizes shipped back to me, and holding my breath that those will fit, then finally getting an outfit together 3 weeks later.

I’m tired of people snarking on other peoples’ clothing choices, eating habits, and lifestyle decisions.

I’m tired of a lack of people in my real (not virtual) life who get what it’s like to be fat.

I’m tired of the serious dearth of good, performance-style sports bras. Seriously, I have one.

I realize most (all?) of these are #firstworldprobs, as the kids say these days, but they are my reality right now. And sometimes i’m just fucking tired.

come be tired with me! what are you tired of?

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29 responses to “things that make me tired

  1. Amen to the sports bra (well everything you listed here, actually). I really want a proper sports bra and can’t find one! Grrr.

    • the one i have is Nike, actually. I was shocked that it fit me. I’ve learned that basically it comes down to trolling nike outlet and nordstrom rack. i’ve had luck one of three times, so there’s that πŸ™‚ I’m deathfat and i can only imagine how difficult it is for fatties fatter than me who are looking for some athletic support. eesh.
      lovin’ your avatar!

  2. *hugs* are you coming to the meet up on Saturday? I think you need to be around some fierce, fabulous fatness!
    I’m tired of being tired.
    I’m tired of struggling.
    I’m tired of other people being so judgmental.
    I’m tired of being so disappointed.
    I’m tired of being my own boss.
    I’m tired of having to be a mind reader.

    • *hugs back!* thank you! i DO need to be around some fierce and fabulous fattosity! i’m out of town this saturday 😦 (and have been every other second saturday since i first came) and am quite bummed to miss it, because even coming the one time did delightful things for my soul. i think May is out too but i’m all OVER it in June!

  3. I’m tired of…
    Meeting someone on an online dating site.
    Having some really good conversations and chat.
    Sending him some pictures.
    And then never hearing from him again.

    It’s POSSIBLE that this phenomenon has nothing to do with my world-engulfing-fatness. But it’s not probable.

    And I’m so tired of it. So tired.

    • I hear you. Same thing would happen to me. Even though I would make it abundantly clear in my profiles and descriptions that I was fat.

    • man, this is a tough one for me. it’s definitely why i don’t online date *that* much. i just assume folks are going to find me hideous sometimes, which clearly isn’t very good on the ‘ol soul. something i’m working on. sending you hugs!

  4. I’m so seriously tired of having to pay more for my clothes because they are plus size. I’m a single parent and have enough to struggle with. I would just love to be able to afford some new clothes every once in a while without having to break my bank.

    • “I’m so seriously tired of having to pay more for my clothes because they are plus size.”

      This. And I’m tired of them all being polyester or not fitting the same after I’ve washed them a few times (or maybe I’m just getting fatter). I’m tired of having to settle for occasionally-dowdy, because I don’t have time and energy to track down really gorgeous things, even if it’s possible to find those gorgeous things in my size.

      • agree w/ both of you! and AMEN to the polyester business, what is UP with that? I love fun clothes, and it wasn’t until I found the FA community online that I even began to enter the amazing world of overseas fatty clothing places (evans, asos, etc). but again, it’s the shipping business, and the sending it back, and the getting new sizes, and good lord!

  5. I’m tired of “fat” as a casual insult. Or “fat” animals (cow, pig, whale).

    “She’s such a cow.” “That fat bitch.” And on and on.

    I’m also tired of “evil” food as topic of conversation.

    “Oh, that bakery the worst! Their cinnamon rolls are addictive. It’s EVIL!”

    I’m tired of skeevy, scientifically suspect studies that seem to exist only to try to prove that fat people are lesser in every way (less intelligent is the most recent one).

    I guess I’m pretty tired.

    • “I’m also tired of β€œevil” food as topic of conversation.”

      THIS. this is one of the most common conversations I find myself having. also, now i want a cinnamon roll πŸ™‚

      • Oh, yes.

        At a work event this week which involved cookies, a colleague of mine mentioned how ‘bad’ she was being. I asked why was she feeling bad…had she killed any kittens lately?

  6. I am also tired of having a lack of choice in sports bras, and they’re expensive and I have to order them online and it’s just a crapshoot. (I found one that works okay for me, and I have 3 now…)
    I’m tired of doubting myself and my abilities.
    And I am tired of feeling unappreciated.

  7. I’m tired too. I am exhausted of fighting the “well you just need to put the fork down!” presumptions, assumptions and stereotypes about fat people. Just tired.

  8. outrageandsprinkles

    I am tired of hearing people say that their diet will work because it’s not really a diet.
    I am tired of hearing someone agree with me when I say it’s important to just love yourself and focus on how you feel and then they say they are going to start a diet even though they know diets don’t often work and can be unhealthy. (Recent discussion at work. Suddenly all these people who seemed to be on my side are discussing the benefits of the new diet my coworker wants to try).
    I am tired of people equating my weight with my health.
    I am tired of reading diet updates on my facebook page.
    I am tired of having to block my friends facebook updates because I can’t stand to read those diet updates.
    I am tired of people getting exciting when they or someone they supposedly care about loses weight due to being ill.
    I work in a clothing store where I can only fit into a handful of rare items that run large and I am tired of all my much smaller coworkers complaining because they want to buy the newest cutest stuff we got in but they really shouldn’t because they have already bought too much there recently.
    I am really, really tired of helping my customers and having them turn to very fat me and ask “Does this make me look fat?” Well heaven forbid you look fat, like me! That would be horrible!

    • do you think if you said “well yes, since you’re already fat, it does make you look fat” that you would be fired? πŸ™‚

    • >>I am really, really tired of helping my customers and having them turn to very fat me and ask β€œDoes this make me look fat?”

      This makes me so very very angry. How horrible & heartless.

  9. I’m tired of the way I can’t seem to escape from diet ads anywhere. I can be on a totally un-diet-related site and still there’s ads with women clutching their bellies and promising that One Weird Old Tip will enable me to lose X pounds of ugly belly fat. It’s toxic and it sucks.

    Also, second to Elizabeth on fat insults, I’m tried of the frequency with which people who are rightly sick of bankers getting huge bonuses while low-paid workers get laid off use the term ‘fat cats’. Fat people (and, for that matter, furry people with four legs who purr a lot) are not to blame for the financial shit the world is in , any more than we’re to blame for global warming and/or the increasing burden on the NHS. Which I’m also tired of hearing about.

    • I hear you on the diet ads. I think if people aren’t wordpress users, they see ads on this blog, right? and some of them are those shitty ads? if so, i need to buy the “show no ads” thing. b/c it’s toxic.

      i don’t have a TV anymore, and every time i’m around one and watching a show, i am *amazed* at just how many negative messages about bodies there are!

  10. GREAT question! I could practically do a whole blog on this.
    I am tired of a LOT of things. Tired of so many things that it’s a wonder I can get out of bed in the morning.
    But mostly I am tired of the fact that we can’t seem to get enough people together to protest and turn around the tide of hate. Organized fat acceptance has been around since at least 1969 (that’s when NAAFA was created), and fat hate has, if anything, worsened since then. (Not NAAFA’s fault!) How many waves of feminism have we had since 1969? How many other marginalized groups have made some social and legal headway since then?
    Every time we think we’ve got somewhere, along comes a dubious study linking us to What’s Wrong with the World. If a study accidentally comes up with a positive thing about fatness, it’s an Obesity Paradox.
    They are trying to eliminate us or kill us. We need more warriors.

    • interesting point. though i don’t think we should necessarily look to feminism (in its earlier forms) for the answer to stopping fat hatred. some feminists (not all!) weren’t great at recognizing that oppressions happen across spectrums, and that they happen at the intersection of many identities for some folks. so, some people feel that the traditional feminist movement didn’t do much for them at all (i’m speaking here of fatties, folks with disabilities, people of color, people who identify as queer, etc) and chose to not engage with that movement. i’m hopeful that the more modern fat acceptance movement, when viewed as a social justice issue, will see some headway where historically it lacked.

      but i completely hear you on the “studies” that seem to displace so much of the good work that’s going on! absolutely infuriating.

  11. All of the above. I’m working on a post at the moment where I’m letting fly on the “just don’t eat” crew. That one is really sticking in my craw at the moment.

  12. Further to this…

    I’m tired of fat as never-ending metaphor for overconsumption. Like, the other night there was an ‘orbiting the earth’ special to commemorate the flight of Yuri Gagarin, and the voice-over starts going on about ‘but our fragile planet won’t last much longer if we don’t change our habits….’ OVER SHOTS OF FAT PEOPLE’S BUTTS AND FAT PEOPLE EATING. Sorry for shouting, but that’s exactly what I did at the TV screen.

    Grr. I’m inclined to think not having a TV might be a good idea sometimes myself – there’s now fat hate in areas you really don’t expect to find it.

  13. Pingback: ootd no. 2 – when i no longer hated shopping | the taking up of space

  14. i am tired of not being tired
    i am tired of crying bec i cant sleep
    i wish i could just say sleep and magicaly fall asleep

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