I lied! it’s not a diet! however, it does fall under the commonly used definition of diet – a particular selection of something (usually food) meant to assist someone in attaining a goal (usually losing weight). My diet for the next few months is different.
It came to me yesterday as i was home sick. I follow a few blogs that i love every day that help me to see just how lovely, amazing, gorgeous, and awesome fat women who love fashion, social justice, feminism, and humor are. yesterday, however, I started branching out and spent hours upon hours looking at new (to me) blogs that marry fat and fashion (fatshion – how clever). There is a mirror at the end of my hallway and i can see myself in it when I walk to my bedroom or the bathroom. being stuck inside a one bedroom apartment all day means you walk around quite a bit, so i got several glimpses of myself. and I can’t really explain it perfectly, but generally when i walk by a mirror i’m like, “ok, whatever. not awesome, not awful, kind of meh.” or i don’t even bother to identify my thoughts (this isn’t always the case, i must say. some days i look in the mirror and go “dayum. yes.”). The thing was, toward the end of the day, my body in the mirror didn’t look odd, weird, or different. it just…was. And while that may not seem like such a big deal, and in fact it sounds similar to when i walk by a mirror and don’t stop to identify my thoughts, THIS was different. fantastic. eye-opening. why, you may ask? I think it’s because i had spent much of my day getting desensitized to fat bodies. i actively sought out and perused thousands of pics of women in various outfits, women who look like me. And I think that toward the end of the day, I began to see ME in these women that I love.
Where does the diet part come in? it’s coming. I really don’t like the phrase “guilty pleasure.” I mean, sure, I watch some crap tv. But it doesn’t make me feel guilty. crap tv has its place. Same goes for “bad” foods. I have spent too many of my days feeling like shit after I chose to eat something. Not helpful and dare I say destructive. One of the things I do that others definitely classify as a guilty pleasure is buy all of those horrible tabloid weekly magazines and peruse shitty gossip websites on a daily basis. I used to buy those mags weekly but the last couple years I’ve held myself to only buying them when I fly.
Now comes the diet!
For the next few months, I am going to refrain from intentional consumption of shitty gossip magazines and gossip sites. They perpetuate all of the negative shit about body image that I hate. They are misogynistic, some are racist, and they tell me (and others like me) again and again that I don’t have the ideal body type and that I should feel ashamed of that. Sure, they don’t come out and SAY that (well, most don’t), but seeing pictures of very thin women coupled with mountains upon MOUNTAINS of body snarking certainly takes its toll.
So, here I go! If you’ve got any good blog suggestions (to take the place of the crap, you see), send ‘em my way!